May 8th, 2002

nacht

Emotions

Today I have seen many people showing their emotions on TV. Yes, a political leader was killed and that is a bad sign for democracy in my country. But crying? How strong can you feel for someone who only entered politics a couple of months ago? How strong can you feel for someone who doesn't really have an ideology, whose ideas are contradictive and sometimes not very tolerant? How can you cry over someone you've never met?

I can understand people who marched in a silent march in Rotterdam today. I can understand that you want to sign the condolence register. I can even imagine going to his house to see the crowd waiting and putting down flowers, letters, pictures and posters, though I have to stretch my imagination. But no, I can't imagine crying.

Don't think I'm hard. I'm no toughie at all. I cried when Gerda told me it was over. I cried when I left and had to leave her and little Laura behind. I nearly cried when we won the championship a week ago. I saw plenty of grown men cry that day and didn't think it was weird at all. I even had tears in my eyes at the end of 'Cool runnings', a movie I saw for the second time. The moment these Jamaican bobsleighers pick up their sleigh, as they want to finish regardless, touched me big time. However, no tears for a murdered politician I never liked. I'm shocked. Stunned. Speechless. Clueless. Amazed. Wounded. I feel my country is going a wrong direction. I feel democracy has taken a big blow. Freedom of speech is being murdered. Which is bad enough to cry, come to think of it.
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