It is time for us to admit that we had this one coming. Fifty years of interfering everywhere in the world whenever it suited us has come to a bloody final. Now we see what we have done in Korea and Vietnam. In Cuba and the Dominican Republic. In Haiti and Guatemala. In Nicaragua and Chile. In Panama and Somalia. And in dozens of other countries. Thousands of innocent Americans have become the victim of an idiot who wanted us to know what we did wrong. Until now we knew, but thought we could get away with it. We couldn't.
From now on we shall do whatever is necessary to help all those families in this tragedy. But not only the thousands who have died in the last 24 hours, but also those thousands who died in the last 50 years, because we considered our position in the world more important than the lives of individuals. The whole budget from defence will go to welfare, social benefits or third world development. We will finally pay off our billions of debt to the UN. We well recognise the UN as the true world power, the voice of the people of the world. We will do as the majority wants us to. We shall propose the abolishment of veto's for countries who happen to have too much power.
Finally I shall resign from my position as President of the United States of America. We will soon have new elections in which every vote is counted, in which democracy will really work. Until then I shall hand over the power to the senate.
Let our thoughts be with the ones who have lost their lives. Thank you for your attention, God bless America and peace on earth!